Happy Happenings and Tubular Turbulence

Once again, you know when I'm not constantly posting, it means my life is filled with happenings and even a little turbulence! I'll start with the exciting happenings, rather than chronological order.

First, I am proud to say: Last Saturday, I officially purchased my first car ever! She's a lovely little 1999 metallic green Beetle! She's got a few bumps and bruises, and her interior was horridly filthy when purchased. But, I gave her a good internal scrubbing. Even with a toothbrush! She's smelling better now. It was dropped off at the mechanic's place only yesterday, but I miss her already!

I finally decided on a name. "Lilligant", and I'll call her "Lily" for short. (C'mon, you should have known by now that I'm a huge Pokemon nerd.) Among all the things I bought in Japan, one of them is a Lilligant cellphone charm. I'm going to attach that to my key, so it can dangle while I drive in a car named after her likeness! ^_^

Last sunday was a big cookout with some friends and family. I was a little nervous because this would be the first time Mr.Beardly met a large portion of my family. Poor guy was exhausted from barely sleeping the night before (explanation will be given later in this post). He fell asleep in the hammock after only a few minutes. It was good to see some friends and family, it really cheered me up. Later that evening, my friends and my little cousins had a huge water balloon fight. It was so much fun! I think Mr.Beardly enjoyed himself too! And my favorite cousin (little miss 8-year old who acts as mature as a full grown adult but is as cute as a button!!!) warmed up to him immediately. I was so relieved. She was devastated after my breakup back in the fall, she loved my ex-boyfriend like a big-brother. I take this as a good sign that Mr.Beardly is accepted by one of my most intuitive family members.

It felt good to return to work after my mini-vacation. I missed the greenhouse. I missed the hard-work, I missed the customers, I missed the flowers. I even missed the feeling of burning muscles, dirty hands, and sweat running down my face.

All of these experiences helped me to recover from a traumatic incident. I feel like I had a revelation today. Where I used to feel like my life was one big black cloud of doom, with periodic bursts of light, I feel the complete opposite now. I've also realized that the two most terrible things to happen to me recently have been blessings in disguise! If my ex-boyfriend hadn't destroyed me like that, I never would have had the courage to meet Mr. Beardly. If my friends hadn't completely destroyed my heart about a week ago, I never would have known how well Mr. Beardly could take care of me and handle emergency situations. It really helped us to grow much closer.

But anyways, the reason he was so tired was because we spent the night sleeping in his car in a walmart parking lot. My friend had told us we could stay at her house for the days he was here. I was so thankful and happy I tried doing everything I could to show my appreciation and help her out because she's my friend, but sometimes she has a hard time getting around due to her condition: I did several loads of laundry, I cleaned, I fed her pets, I cleaned her pet's cages, I swept the floor, I bought more than enough food for the time we'd be there, I even bought the beverages.

I guess that wasn't enough, since suddenly they started posting vicious aggressive statuses online (aimed towards me) and I was so taken aback and hurt that I burst out into tears and sobs while my boyfriend and I were at the store picking up some supplies. I had no idea what was going on, I was afraid to go back. I had no idea my friends would (or even could) ever treat me like that. I'm a pretty laid back person, if something's mentioned to me I have no problem making every effort to correct it! But it seemed like that wasn't what they wanted.

We drove back there and I had to spent another 30 minutes sobbing uncontrollably in my boyfriend's car before I could collect myself enough. If he hadn't been there for me, I might have drunk myself to death, I was that hurt. But I think what hurt the most was going into that place, gathering their stuff, still sobbing uncontrollably, and my friend not looking like she cared at all. What kind of friends do that? I asked myself.

I'm willing to bet both her and her boyfriend are posting aggressive statuses (possibly pictures too) about me on their Facebook. I thought about doing the same thing, but then I stopped and thought about it. I'm almost a full-grown adult. I work two jobs in the summer, and one during the school-year while I maintain almost a 4.0. I am no longer a teenager, I am 20 years old, and I need to start acting my age. I have fueled all my pain into my goal of bettering myself. If I made them feel that way, it either means I have failed myself at helping people I care about, or that I need to put my resources elsewhere.

If posting aggressive hateful messages about me will help my friend feel better about her own life, I have no problem with it. I only want her to be happy and healthy. Since she and her boyfriend are both somewhat disabled right now, they really don't have much else to entertain themselves with. I'd rather have her teaming up with her boyfriend at hating me, than if he were to put his aggression towards her. I would never stand for that. I would drive over there in a heartbeat and beat the shit out of him if he ever laid a finger on her. (Okay, realistically, I would call the cops to do that for me, but I would still be there for my friend.)

Life is too short to get caught up in petty little games. I guess that's what humans do, but I don't think I will ever know what it means to be human. I just don't know how to do it. I don't think I could even hate another person to the point of intentionally physically or emotionally harming them. I have no interest in doing that. I only want the freedom to love my little heart out, make myself vulnerable, and to not be harmed by the people I love.

I have put my best effort forth to write my entire post without putting anything possibly hurtful towards my friends. I don't want to do that at all. I have better things to consume my time and energy. I have a family that I need to support, pets that need care and attention, and a boyfriend to love. I really wish there was some way I could thank Mr.Beardly for everything he has done for me. He has never raised a hand to me or made me feel bad about myself. He is truly the most amazing man I have ever met, and I'm going to do everything I can to make myself the woman such a wonderful man deserves. Even if I am a woman worthy of his love, it will still be some time before I become a woman worthy of my own respect. I will continue to grow and mature until this budding flower has fully blossomed into the beautiful, kind-hearted woman I have always wanted to become.