Fish can get depressed, too.

I'm feeling remarkably introspective and clear-headed today.

I'm not sure if it's the shock I felt at seeing how flat my stomach was when I took a shower this morning, or the pain I felt when I noticed trident wasn't even phased by the food sprinkled into his tank... he just hovered there as it got pushed down by the filter and floated by him. Or perhaps its a combination of many things.

I never realized I could have so much in common with a fish. We've both been apathetic about food for the past week or so. We're both just apathetic in general, with occasional emotional outbursts/ freak outs. He's losing some scales and his golden color is becoming dull. He looks lonely. Maybe the two of us are just stressed out about feeling so displaced and homesick. Hang in there buddy, I know you're doing your best. I am too.

Also, today I noticed that he really likes music. My roommate was playing music in the shower, some classical, some real bass-y beats, and Trident was swimming and moving his fishy mouth along to the music! This fish has yet to cease surprising me!

I'm still worried about the both of us though. Sure, I've been having my good moods, jamming to music too, but there's still the appetite issue which I find very concerning. I've never liked the way girls look when they're super-skinny. I've never wanted to be like that. I've always thought women looked most beautiful in old paintings, with a little bit of meat on them but not "fat". I don't like feeling like I'm withering away to nothing.

I wish I could just become a bird and fly away from here. Or become a cat and prowl the streets until I found someone to take me home and love me. I miss the place where I grew up, I could just run into the woods and run and run and run until I found an escape from the feelings within my chest. There's no such escape here.