Weakness

This little kitten is falling further and further into this nightmare called life.

Physical health: low
Mental health: low (partially due to Physical Health)
Emotional heath: fluctuating (low-high)

I am stressed to the max about my Japanese classes. I feel as though the work is becoming too much for me to handle. On top of that, add my recurring illness and emotional instability, and my grades are really starting to slip. I got some antibiotics from the doc though, so my heath in that department has been getting a little better. Some other health issue has popped up that I will need to get checked out soon, because it's quite painful and probably not something good.

On another note, I have now fully realized that my "first love" has emotionally messed me up, possibly preventing any future happiness of mine. The fact that it was a great first relationship, but that it had to end like that. Abandoned by my boyfriend, and betrayed by my best friend (same person). I finally found someone wonderful, with a chemistry that I never imagined I could feel. However, now I'm starting to feel I will never be able to fully trust him because I am still scarred by the past. It takes me a very long time to trust people, because I always end up getting hurt. I don't know if my ex knows what he did to me. I will never know if it was intentional or if he really is just that goddamn insensitive and retarded.

It scares me to think that this will cause me pain and dissonance for the rest of my life.

We'd always made promises that no matter what, even if we broke up, we'd still be friends. I should have realized. I should have realized what a scumbag he was. No, that's wrong. He wasn't always a scumbag. He's just always been lost in life, looking to be accepted by his peers. He's always been the type to change parts of himself to become popular in the eyes of others. Perhaps this is what happened.

On another note, this is the week before spring break and Animation and Gaming Ohio Convention. So I will need to pack up all my stuff for spring break, and in case I get to go to Con as well. Well.... actually, first I need to figure out where I'll be living. Yeah, that's an issue.

I have to find homes for these other mice as well. I keep getting nagged about it.

To the spirits or energies that move the cosmos, I have a small request. Please help me get through this week in one piece. I will do my best nonetheless, but if someone out there could just help everything fall into place, and help me accomplish the things beyond my ability, I would really appreciate it. I know I don't deserve it, but I would really appreciate it.

Help me to stay true to myself. Help me to heal my wounds and continue to be the person that I want to be. Help me to abstain from making the same mistakes I may have made in the past. Help me to show this person that I am just as amazing as he says.