Some people never change

I thought my ex was finally starting to be civil about our breakup and act mature for once when he started texting me back about getting my stuff. Nope, not in the least. He's still being really immature and acting all angry about it, which... I never did anything in the first place.

I never cheated, I contributed to food purchases, food cooking, (cleaning especially), I took care of him when he was sick, I fed his cats, I was always there for him. He's the one that broke up with me, broke my heart and all. I just don't understand why he's being all angsty about it, acting like it was a terrible relationship. Honestly, I think his friends are putting ideas into his head. For a first relationship, lasting three years, it was pretty damn good. I'm going to look back on those years as some of the best and worst of my life. Years from now, I'd like to be able to look back fondly and think "I remember my first love... and see how I've grown since then!" But the way he's acting about everything just makes me feel like... was he this huge deuche this whole time? And I'd like to think... no. He started hanging out with different people, and he changed. And I guess his new deuchey attitude about things proves it.

And the worst part is that I'm still letting it upset me! I did nothing wrong, and if he would be mature about things and honestly tell me if I did something to upset him, things might be different. Who cares? Maybe I'm being just as passive-aggressive by ranting about it on my blog. But he really has changed. We used to discuss how no matter what, we always wanted to be friends. I'm more than willing to try being friends with him, but I guess he has other plans pretending that I was just such a horrible girlfriend. Cool.

Just don't start to regret things when I find somebody else to care for. Cause boy, you're never gonna have a second chance at this. I deserve to do better than someone like you. I deserve someone who will be HONEST and OPEN with me and not take me for granted.

But whatever. I'm taking the goddamn fish. He'd probably just feed it to one of his cats anyway.

So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to find a day that I can get my stuff. After that, I will stop talking to him. That way, I can remember the good times and move on with my life and not worry about him, even though I do worry about him. I'm willing to bet hard cash that he's going to put himself in situations with certain "friends" of his that's really going to get him in trouble. I can't keep being concerned about someone who thinks so lowly about me.

Curse my damned heart! If that's the one part about myself I hate most, it's my heart. I will love and care for people to the point where my own health and wellness runs thin. I just can't NOT care. Like I've said before. I might act weird and antisocial around people sometimes, but... I can't not care. Any time I see someone sad, suffering, depressed... alone... I think on my own experiences. I've been there before. I know how much it sucks. And it just fills me with this overwhelming need and urge to do everything humanly possible I can.

At the same time, sometimes I get really irritated when people or friends of mine get whiny about superficial things. But usually when this happens I try to keep it to myself. Okay, so you got a laptop for christmas instead of an iPad, iPhone, iPod, and PS3 you wanted. I'm sorry, I can't feel sorry for you. There are people living on the streets without food, and you're going to complain about that?

This makes me realize I'm being a superficial and whiny too. So I got dumped and now he's acting like a jerk, while "pretending" to be civil to my face. Big whoop. I need to just shut up, smell the roses, and go help an old man cross the street.... or something like that. I need to stop crying over spilt milk that has a nasty-ass smell, while sometimes intermingling with an oddly pleasant stench. 

Girl, shut up, stand up, and start living your life. Life starts first with a change in thought, then a change in behavior and attitude. Yeah. I'mma gonna start on my cosplay, and make one hot raichu! <3