The mysterious "Friend zone"

"The friend zone, or occasionally friendship zone, is a dating term describing a relation in which one partner wants to become intimate romantically while the other prefers to be just friends.... A Chicago Tribune writer suggested there were several causes in which a man might become corralled to the friend zone: (1) the woman is not sufficiently attracted to the man, (2) the woman perceives signals coming from the man about whether to deepen the relationship as ambiguous, (3) there is sexual repulsion (but not enough to block a friendship)." - Courtesy of Wikipedia.


Ahh, the infamous “friend zone.” I was talking to a friend the other day and he mentioned how he was fed-up with being thrown into the friend zone by every compatible girl he met. It reminded me of that show on MTV (which I believe is called FriendZone), where kids get their “best friend” to help them prepare for a “blind date”… and then they reveal their feelings to said friend, usually ending with hearts broken.

Now, from what I know, most people consider being “friend zoned” to be a really bad thing. In my case however, I don’t understand why. Maybe it’s because I’m a coward, but I’d feel way more comfortable dating a friend rather than some guy I just met at the club, which is probably why I would most likely throw someone into the friend zone. With friends, you already have some sort of an emotional relationship, even if it is platonic.

Not many people know, and I don’t know why they don’t care to remember, but I dated my ex not once, but twice. Sophomore year we went on one or two “dates” but I was so terrified that he was a creeper (that was going to rape me or something), so we decided it just wasn’t going to work, and we stayed friends and talked online for the next year. Then something sparked and we decided to hang out and see how things would go that time. And I felt waaaaay more comfortable the second time because I knew him on an emotional basis already and the spark just sorta led it from there.

I dunno… I wonder, is it normal that I don’t walk around spending my day ogling at guys, wondering which one would best to bang? Am I just really picky with looks? Am I a coward? Am I just plain weird?

Maybe there’s something wrong with me since I’m not one to do the whole friend zone thing. On the other hand, dating a friend can end badly and afterwards it might be difficult to keep that friendship. Like what happened with me. Some part of me regrets changing what was once a friendship, because I miss having my best friend. Then again, I’ve never had many guy friends, probably because I am less than attractive. However, I’ve learned to live with it.

Sometimes I almost feel like I have no idea what goes on in the heads of the other gender. Now this is all from a girl’s point of view, so maybe I’m really not getting how frustrating this can be for guys. Women are not as complex as you think. Sure, we might get a little confused about what we want, but deep down all we really want is just someone to be there for us. Someone to treat us special, to love us, to make us feel wanted and needed.

Therefore, to any men or women out there who gave up because they felt “friend zoned,” what the hell, don’t throw in the towel! Unless somebody explicitly says, “hey I just want to remain friends, I feel no sexual or romantic attraction to you what-so-ever,” then you can’t just go on assuming someone just wants to be friends. Sometimes you really have to think about what you want. Do you just want a different relationship with this person because they are attractive? Because you’re horny? Or because you really care about them and want to be that one person that makes them happy? Whatever the reasoning, in certain situations or after trying for so long, you probably should just throw in the towel and move on. But no matter what, just be honest. Talk to your friend. Communication is so important, I'm constantly amazed at how often it's forgotten!

This is all from my perspective. So if this is completely incorrect or if I'm lacking some understanding of the friend zone, or friend zone banishment, please don't leave me in the dark! Leave a comment! :3

4:30 Edit: Now that I think about it, that would REALLY suck. If I were really romantically interested in a guy and he pretty much said that he wanted to be friends, I'd get paranoid about myself unless he told me exactly what didn't click or why he wasn't willing. And even from a girls POV, having your boyfriend say that he "just wants to be friends" is a bit like a kick in the stomach, especially if it's after 3 years. And then even that is a lie...

But sometimes it is scary to tell the truth, sometimes it's scary to be honest. It's scary to date. It's scary to interact with the opposite gender. It's scary to be yourself. It's scary to know that you cant control what your heart feels or lacks.

Alright, now I'm just ranting. I'm... going to stop.... Here, enjoy this nice diagram: